When you realize you’re in the middle of a culture war, it’s easy to forget about the people involved. Even those who oppose you are real people – with failings and complexities of life and perspective just like you (and me). They are motivated by real pains, experiences, beliefs and priorities. It is easy to forget that. When something is clearly wrong to one person, it is perhaps inevitable that ‘the perceived enemy’ will appear stupid, selfish, intolerable or hateful. But that is rarely helpful or completely true.
Sure, there are people like that, but that is not the norm. There are very few totally evil people in this battle.
We all have various measures of knowledge, experience and sensibilities (also known as manners). We also all have elements of bias, prejudice and intolerance. We all have them. All of us!
I wonder what we could learn and achieve if we stopped kicking the crap out of each other. Yet, both sides have to stop kicking. Is that even possible? There are certain non-negotiable (deal-breakers) in most debates. These are the things that agreement will never be reached on. To even offer any concession, no matter how reasonable, is to make yourself vulnerable to a vicious enemy. For this reason, I am uncertain about this site and what I seek to do: to be reasonable and give credit where credit is due.
Real people are hurting and real people will be hurt whether the definition of marriage is changed or whether it remains the same. Pain cannot be avoided. Our task then, is to decide what pain is most just.
Activists Usually Fight for Rights in Response to Wrongs
Homosexual activists and I fight from the same foundations but for different teams. Like many of them, I was exclusively homosexual during my teen years and young adulthood. Unlike most however, I later developed heterosexual attractions as bisexual (with heterosexual attraction taking the lead role). From this common foundation of having suffered enormously as a teenager and a young man – quietly and without hope, I can see and acknowledge some noble motives in some of my opponents.
Suicidal thoughts were my constant taunting companion for many years. I understand why my opponents’ desire for youth suicide to be lowered. I desire this too. We are agreed that same-sex oriented kids are over represented in these statistics. This is a noble motive. I understand the desire for approval and a more accepting world. I feel the pain and know the realities of a sexually hostile world. My recall is still fresh, as if decades were days.
Wanting better is a noble goal.
Yet from that point we then move in different directions; because we disagree on what is better and we fundamentally disagree on what is real and what is right.
We Actually Pursue Many of the Same Underlying Goals
Well intentioned mistakes are still mistakes! Good intentions also don’t make something wise or right.
The motivation of some sexuality activists has merit. They genuinely believe they are doing good – even some who understand the full culture-altering consequences that flow from the change.
For others this is a purely selfish goal, motivated by the pursuit of social acceptance, anger at their world, or a result of conviction nurtured within the self-serving conversation circles of a gay-community bubble.
Whether from noble motives or selfish, an error is still an error.
I once subscribed to much (but never all) of the activist worldview. I have come to a conviction that their world-view is grossly in error. I am confident in this because I have experienced it personally, done the research, and seen the evidence in the lives of those around me.
Activists want to see kids embrace, what they like to teach, is an innate sexuality. They want a world where – to sing from their hymnal, gay kids should ‘be free to become who they truly are’. [*1] They want:
- The isolation to end.
- The sense of shame to end.
- The suicide statistics lowered.
- A world where openness about sexual feelings is OK.
- A world where young people can embrace and blossom in non-heterosexual eroticism.
Most so-called ‘conservatives’ also want most these things. However, they hold that sexuality is not innate (i.e. it grows and develops over time) or if it is innate, then it is heterosexual in its nature must be guarded and nurtured in its growth. They also want:
- Kids to be ‘free to become who they are’,
- The guilt that contributes to shame to be absent,
- The isolation to end,
- Suicide statistics to be lowered, and
- A world where people can be appropriately open about sexual feelings and concerns.
There is Common Ground
My protection of childhood sexual health is also motivated by such goals. Like most conservatives, I do NOT want young people subjected to:
- Hopelessness due to a belief that existing attractions are stamped in their identity.
- Identity-Obsession where their sexual attractions are the defining element in their identity!
- Encouragement to experiment with porn, interactions or fantasy in pursuit of what ‘feels’ right.
- Physical or emotional wounding through casual or promiscuous sexual behaviors.
- Ignorance regarding how learning occurs and how addictions are created.
- Psycho-sexual Abuse via media, educators, peers and others that sexualize them in formative years.
I seek a healthier world – and we need one – where people are taught the truth about sexual development and are supported in an honest and informed way by honest and informed people.
Yes, there will always be jerks, idiots and haters (in every camp), but we don’t need to join them! Nor should we let them call the shots.
So the next time you find yourself demonizing or hating those trying to sexually diversify the nation, or perhaps labeling those who try and stop them, ask yourself “Why are they doing this?”. If more people did this, we’d find there are other ways to support homosexuals without handing them the keys to our homes, schools, parliaments and courts.
By A Sensible Man.
First Published 22.11.2011.
Note: This is an editorial opinion piece and therefore citations are not provided. Other articles making more specific claims are accompanied by citations and source references.
- Since 2011, the evidence has increased significantly regarding the error of the “born this way” doctrine. Now, “the hymnal” as ASM called it has been changed to include verses on sexuality fluidity and more – however “born this way” remains the most effective chorus for their cause. Remarkably, the intellectual dishonesty of these competing believes does not seem to trouble the activists.