“Nine Quick Helps Regarding Same Sex Marriage”

Same-sex marriage is the key that starts the engine of change. It is the difference between being dragged on a thousand mile version by foot, and being strapped into a car and driven. You will not believe how fast the changes happen and how far they go.

It will set in play a domino-like sequence of ever increasing restrictive laws and programs. All this will serve the broader agenda of cultural homosexualization and sexual diversification. The agenda will be explained and evidenced later, but first we need to start overcoming some of the fences that have been built around our thinking. Here are some radical concepts you will need to consider:

Radical Concept 1: Resisting this change is not being hateful.

Radical Concept 2: ‘Homophobia’ is a weapon – deadly, sharp and skillfully used.

Radical Concept 3: ‘Born gay’ is a lie!

Radical Concept 4: This is Australia’s greatest cultural threat since WW2

Radical Concept 5: These pages will annoy disciples of every view!

Radical Concept 6: Truth can be given compassionately and love is not always nice!

Now let’s consider them together.

Radical Concept 1:

Resisting this change is not being hateful.

Can someone oppose same-sex marriage and still care about homosexuals? I will declare the answer is “Yes”. I oppose it and I do care: deeply!

Radical Concept 2:

‘Homophobia’ is a label – deadly, sharp & skillfully used.

Those who oppose same-sex marriage are not (necessarily) spreading homophobia or hate. Like spoilt eight year olds, immature (and crafty) people point the finger and name call, silencing what may have been a reasonable person and a reasonable concern. Like a child’s “I’m not your friend anymore”, it’s only a weapon if the hearer allows it to be.

Radical Concept 3:

‘Born gay’ is a lie!

It’s an oft repeated, big, fat, audacious lie. A lie that’s told loud, strong and with confidence, so much so that even those who say it often believe it. But it’s still a lie! No one is born homosexual (or heterosexual): We become! It is a process of both nurture and nature. I do not claim to know everything, but if there was evidence for a ‘gay gene’ or hormonal cause I would proclaim it loudly. I would love to excuse myself and get greater empathy from others. Unfortunately though, all science offers is what other disciplines of study offer. An explanation that leans predominantly toward forces of nurture as a youth, then reinforcement through ongoing activity to establish a behavior pattern.

Growth does not remove the neural pathways previously tracked in my brain, but rather lessens their power and grows new pathways instead.

As one who has been – and still is – same-sex attracted, I have immense grace and understanding for those who walk this journey. The changes I have seen I cannot claim credit for; I have had incredible support. However, I can testify to what is evidenced in research as well as in the lives of others. Growth does not remove the neural pathways previously engraved in my brain, but does lessen their power and grows new pathways instead. Like alcoholics, gamblers, junkies, pornography users, shop-a-holics and over-eaters, change only comes when you are willing to stop. Only then can the brain grow differently. Only then can the person conceive of growing any other way. We’ll examine the science and processes of that elsewhere. But for many this is a radical concept. For many it is also a very uncomfortable one.

And a quick word for parents: we all do what we can with what we were given and what we have attained. There are a multitude of potential causal factors. You could have been pretty close to perfect, yet still end up with a ‘sexually varied’ son or daughter. But even if you can see you did something wrong, find a way to forgive yourself and do what you can from now. I have immense compassion for parents also, because parenting is really, really hard work. Every parent desperately wants to believe ‘We share no blame. We did nothing wrong. They were born that way.” I get it! I really do! But whatever measure of contribution your parenting has made – great or small – it pales into irrelevance when you are focused on your parenting now.

Radical concept No 4:

This is Australia’s greatest cultural threat since WW2

In early May, 1942, Australians were informed by radio that the American Navy had engaged the navy of Imperial Japan in the Coral Sea. During the next 4 days Australians were a somber and prayerful people. Australians from Townsville to Perth knew that if this battle was lost, the Japanese would land on our shores within the week. Carnage and disaster would follow, as was happening elsewhere. I am not old enough to remember those days. But when I heard about them from an older friend, I identified with the feeling. That is how I have felt for my nation this last year.

If you thought same-sex marriage was just about love, just ask Bert and Ernie!

Except for the threat of Japanese occupation in WW2, we have not faced a greater threat to our culture in more than 200 years.

By way of simple example (and there are many more given elsewhere on this site) within weeks of California legalizing same-sex marriage, pressure was being brought on the producers of Sesame Street to have Bert and Ernie get married on screen. The demand / request was rumored to have included the gracious allowance that no sexual activity was being requested. This was a wise concession (if true) as I don’t think puppet genitals actually work. If it wasn’t such a blatantly tragic effort to indoctrinate infants it would be comical. If you thought same-sex marriage was just about love, just ask Bert and Ernie!

Radical concept No 5:

These pages will annoy disciples of every view!

I use the term ‘disciples’ very deliberately. Devotion to sexual dogmas, mores and beliefs require as much devotion and focus as ritualized religion. Devotion in itself is not bad or wrong. No athlete reaches the Olympics, no Nobel Prize winner climbs to the top and no parent raises a healthy child, without devotion and at times singular focus. When our devotion overrides truth, reality and love however, it has become a dangerous obsession.

The human who identifies themselves primarily by their sexuality becomes in totality, that sexuality.

Most homosexual and lesbian activists sincerely believe their words. Yet, they do this from a place of defeat; a place I have known. Having given into the desires of their youth (desires they did not usually choose!!) they reinforced them. With time their lives were increasingly dominated by these thoughts. Their supportive relationships, viewing, reading and activities became ever increasingly self-satisfying and belief reinforcing. Like the Christian who does not relate outside their church, like the Moslem who knows only adherents of Islam, like the alcoholic whose life revolves around the pub, so too the human who identifies themselves primarily by their sexuality becomes in totality, that sexuality. In an all-consuming personal-world, all other wisdom can be lost.

Radical concept No 6:

Truth can be compassionate and love is not always ‘nice’.

Life is not easy. Life can be unforgiving. Life can be unfair. And only a child believes in a world without pain. Every day in our world there are people who suffer with cancer, some are assaulted or molested, others are exploited, many are simply ignored. Some have marriage breakdowns, vehicle theft, business collapse or the family home goes up in flames. There are so many things that go wrong in life. From the moment sperm meets egg – we are vulnerable and life is unfair!

But should we shape the world to our own wounding? Shape others’ lives to accommodate our own pain? Should we apportion blame broadly in an effort to ease our own? No matter how understandable such strategies may be, they are not healthy and they are not right!

If we all seek to live with compassion however, we can look after each other and lessen the pain, forgive the blame and live on even when wounded. This is attainable. This is realistic. This is a truth and love that is compassionate even though it isn’t nice.

You see, homosexuals and lesbians, just like bisexuals, transsexuals, pedophiles, ephebophiles, anglophiles, voyeurs, adulterers … (and so on) and heterosexuals, all share a common trait: we all live with both a) what was forced on us, and b) what we brought upon ourselves. We all live with consequences, abilities, disabilities, likes, dislikes, baggage and histories. We must never lose sight of this reality!

We all live with both a) what was forced on us, and b) what we brought upon ourselves.

As one who has walked the closeted homosexual life, I assure you it is painful. More painful than some people’s lives – less painful than some others, but painful nevertheless. Therefore, I encourage compassion. Not special benefits, not privilege nor a special voice. I encourage love and forbearance, with a heart and willingness to overcome that weird feeling you might have when inviting them into your world. They’re just people. And then those you invited have to do the same thing. You “straights” are pretty weird you know!

But no matter how weird all this gets, there’s a pivotal issue that is not negotiable: your compassion must never dictate what is right or wise. Compassion is a poor leader. Wisdom and knowledge should lead in decision making and value judgements, with compassion standing by as a needed and specialist advisor, free to speak when it sees the need. Compassion can contribute and guide, but it must never dominate.

So a commitment to wisdom and knowledge as well as compassion is encouraged.

Radical Concept 7:

We grow and change till the day we die.

We know this to be true. We see it in the mirror every day. We feel it in our muscles from time to time. We acknowledge it in our thinking and our learning. Yet for some reason, we deny it where our eroticisms are concerned. We have thrown a cloak of invincibility over it. That cloak needs to go!

Just ask a smoker. Do something to alter your brain chemistry and a new power will be unleashed.

We might find situational homosexuality difficult to imagine, but we recognize that jails and remote islands are not normal places. Unusual dynamics can do unusual things. Many men who are primarily heterosexual have watched pornography and realized a moment (or two) of sexual awareness for the bloke in the scene. Many a youth has cast a change room or toilet glance at a peer’s plumbing or body, whether out of curiosity or attraction. It is a disarming and disturbing adrenalin rush of sexual stirring when it is first encountered. If that adult or that youth follows up that thought with further thoughts, further looks, fantasy or experimentation – is it really that difficult to believe that an erotic habit could be birthed?

Just ask a smoker. Do something to alter your brain chemistry and a new power will be unleashed. The brain is chemically changed. Ask a crack user, and they’ll tell you of the rush and the drive to have it again. The brain is chemically changed. Ask a teenager who experienced his first orgasm while fantasizing. The brain is chemically changed. We are not playing with play-doh. We are playing with dynamite.

I would love to believe I was born this way and that my eroticisms are natural, healthy and good. But I wasn’t and they aren’t.

The brain can change in other ways too. Change is possible but change is hard! Very hard. This is why I have special empathy for those with unwanted sexual compulsions and addictions: I know how hard it is to change. I also have compassion for those who still like what they’re trying to get away from. I would love to believe I was born this way and that my eroticisms are natural, healthy and good. But I wasn’t and they aren’t! Similarly, I would genuinely love it to be natural, healthy and good for my society to legitimize and affirm my deviations from the heterosexual norm. But it wouldn’t be.

Radical concept No 8:

It’s not a worldwide trend and we are not ‘lagging behind’.

95% of the world’s nations and 93% of U.S. states have not legalized same-sex marriage.

Though many would like you to think otherwise, as I write today, 5% of the world’s nations and 7% of U.S. states have legalized same-sex marriage. Or to put it another way: 94% of the world’s nations and 93% of U.S. states have not legalized same-sex marriage. You might want to read those numbers again! Australia is not a backward nation or the ‘laughing stock’ of the world. We may in fact end up being a future leader, by exercising honorable and sensible restraint.

Radical concept No 9:

Such decisions must be ‘long-term‘ and ‘bigger picture’.

History is resplendent with the sacrifices of those who fought the fights that protected our freedoms. This may be one of those times. You may be one of those people. If we allow marriage to be redefined, our grandchildren will and should condemn us for it, because the changes it will bring are prejudicial to the innocent.

If we allow it, our grandchildren will and should condemn us for it, because it is prejudicial to the innocent.

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Same-sex marriage gives the legal power for deliberate and pervasive social re-engineering. If it is legalized, change will come to things you never imagined possible (just ask Bert and Ernie). It gives the recognition, public approval and access to laws of privilege. It hands over the keys to drive the normalization of sexual excess and the silencing of voices of moderation.

Please defend in this national battle, but also love the people as individuals. They may not all want to be part of your world – and you certainly are not obliged to open up your world to them. But they are people, more like you than they are different from you, because sexual and relational attraction does not rule us – unless we make it so!

In your service and in your defense

A Sensible Man

Created 12.8.2011. Revised and shortened 27.12.12